Reposted from my Facebook status on Thursday, November 12th, 2015. I’m mainly reposting this to document it for myself.
Long long long post.
A few days ago I had around 1330 friends, then I cut it down to 1074. Now it’s at 423. I unfriended folks of all genders, all races. There’s no way for this not to sound dramatic, so let me just embrace it.
My life has dramatically changed in the last two years and in the last year in particular. I share a lot of Facebook, even when I don’t share much. So I’m retooling my FB, as I’ve been doing all year. I ended up deleted people I’ve known for a LONG time, and people who I still consider friends. If you’re one of those people and I deleted you, your feelings are probably hurt. And understandably so. I’d be hurt. You might be pissed, too, frankly. Or you might not care at all.
But I realized that the way that I use this space…I only want certain people to have access to my private (as opposed to public, like this) posts. I don’t want to further censor what I write, instead I decided to censor my audience. So instead of talking about the people I deleted–if we’re really cool offline, you probably have my number, and if not you can message me for it–I want to discuss the folks I kept. This shit sounds really elitist, and maybe it is. But it’s about creating as “safe” a space as is possible for myself. It’s real simple.
I kept folks who I’ve met in person and built with or can see myself building with. It’s not just folks who talk about uplifting marginalized lives, but act on it. These are folks who call me or text me every once in a while because they know I’m dealing with depression. Folks who I have been with at direct actions. Folks who are serious about making the world a better place. This isn’t to say that others *aren’t* serious about it, but this is to say that I’ve built with them and I’ve seen it firsthand.
So folks that have sent me personal messages or that have helped me out on here: I love you and I appreciate you. We’re still cool. But I’m sick of hypervisibility and hyperconsumption. I’m google for a lot of y’all, not a person. Of the folks I deleted: you might care about me and probably do, but I haven’t seen it expressed. Or I know that I don’t have the capacity to express how much I care about you. So in the spirit of building toward liberation for ALL, my Facebook is a space where I feel comfortable speaking my truth to folks who will support me and also call me on my shit without belittling me.
My blog is public (anthoknees.wordpress.com), I write on medium (@anthoknees), and my twitter (@anthoknees) is public as well. And you don’t need an account to view any of these networks.
For those who want to truly stay in contact [as opposed to using me as NPR, which isn’t a bad thing for some, but something that is not sustainable or desirable for me anymore], hit me for my email or phone number via message and we can connect. In person. I’m around, but meeting requires active participation on both ends and not passive “likes” from either end. At some point I began to use Facebook to “collect” friends, yet who is really active in my life? Very few folks. So I’m modifying this particular online presence to regulate some more complicated aspects of my life.
P.S. If you know me, you know I do a lot of things for other people, not for myself. This is for myself. Y’all can think whatever you wanna think, but this is for me, and it makes me feel better. And if you know me, you know I’ve had a love-hate relationship with Facebook for a long long time, so this is nothing new.
Thanks for reading.